Gwen Shamblin, Weigh Down & My
Just want to begin by telling you that I am Jayne
Fiedler's sister. Allison.
I am not at all shocked by this article, in fact I
thought many years ago that Jayne was involved with a
cult or something just not "right"
Her reverance towards Gwen and all that is
WD and her life began a change before our
family's eyes years ago. I don't know enough about
the Bible and it's scripture or frankly felt that I was
not worthy or Christian enough in any sense to have
questioned her growth in God. As long as she is happy.
Few comments were said over the years about her
fellowhsip and I felt a secrecy to a point about
her circles of brothers and sisters. Gwen was in my
point of view to much on a pedastal for Jayne to talk
about with me. But I will tell you about the litle
bits here and there that I have observed.
Jayne has a Ph.d in Psychology.. all had to
be "unlearned" -- Wow. So many years of hard
work and now it means absolutely nothing. Which isn't
surprising being a Christian and Psychology don't mix.
Jayne was hired on at WD as a counselor and she was very
excited about working so closely with Gwen. Jayne got to
detail Gwen's Mercedes. Jayne was able to go to Gwen's
house! It was a bit much. She was obviously in awe
of Gwen and much of the time I could see that she didn't
think she was worthy and yet so tender in her journey
and relationship with God. She knew and said she
had so much learning to do. Jayne was a sinner and
selfish and needed to be completely subserveant to God's
will. I tend to forget Jayne began as a
"student" of WD, weighing over 200 pounds,
depressed and searching for God and spiritual healing.
And it was a blessing! Jayne lost it all and has kept
off the weight, more proof that Gwen then God or God
then Gwen is truly awesome!
God and Gwen, Gwen and God. Not sure which one
really came first. I saw my sister as needing to
belong. Vulnerable. I could see my sister in the
begining looking at Gwen and deciding right then and
there that she wanted to be just like her;
Christian, and Thin, wanted to be her friend
and wanted to be a part of her inner circle and set out
to do just that. Years later I can say that she has
accomplished what she set out to do, but at what
cost? Seemingly none.
On one visit to Jayne in Nashville before the
church was built and on the way to Weigh Down
headquarters to see where Jayne was working as a
counselor, I remember her telling me that Gwen
didn't use an alarm clock and that God woke her up at
times throughout the night to speak to her.. At that
time it was like she was telling me a secret. I
sat there for a moment and responded by sharing with her
that I too don't use an alarm clock and wake up right on
time every morning. I questioned her-- I wanted to
know if God was also waking me up, speaking to me
as well and why not? Silly maybe. I believe
that God answers all prayer and that the holy spirit
will guide and direct and even "speak" to our heart. I
don't necessarily believe that God speaks directly to
anyone. But that is me thinking and not believing.
Jayne has always been very loving, kind and loyal.
We were allowed a tour of the Workshop and I saw the
back room where they held church. I remember at the time
asking her who was the head of the church and who or
what affiliation did that person look to for guidance? I
don't think she answered my question.
I think after my last visit to Nashville Jayne
was very careful with sharing details about her life, in
fact we just speak on the surface with her advising
certain scripture to read and that is about it. She
is joyful indeed!
Jayne was let go from her job as a
counselor some time ago at WD but has
remained as loyal as ever to Gwen and the church. Jayne
is getting married in May. I was a bit surprised because
we hadn't heard a word about Ron until she became
engaged. She said she wasn't at all interested in Ron at
first but was strongly advised to consider that this is
what God wanted for Jayne. I am very happy for her. The
only thing that I can say about the wedding and the only
thing that suddenly occurred to me is none of her
immediate family has been asked to particpate
but be recognized as "honory" family.
No maid of honor, no flower girl, my daugther
is seven and asked if she was going to be the
flower girl for Auntie Jayne's wedding.
I am so sorry that Jayne was a part of the
harsh treatment given to you Maria and Adam.. I imagine
Maria was closer to Jayne and knew more about her life
and her as a woman devoted to Christ than I ever
will. I just can't believe that Jayne would not
respond to an e-mail, not have anything to say.. just
cut off a relationship based on what? really? If at this
point, I questioned Jayne and her devotion to Remnent
and Gwen I wouldn't get very far. That is so very
Totally unacceptable. Jayne had warned me about the
critical statements I might find online about Gwen and
Remnent Church not too long ago, because she knows that
I will research and seek to find the truth as well.
Jayne doesn't keep me at a distance as much as I keep
Because of my lack of Biblical knowledge and my
"childlike" relationship with God, Jesus and the
Holy Spirit, I have only asked for discernment
when seeking a church home and family. I have my brother
and his wife on one side and my sister on the
other. Both so stronly believe that there way is the
right way, the correct way to worship God. I am left
with the conclusion that there is no right way to
worship God. Organized religion leaves me most
I almost died thirteen years ago. Jayne more than
likely has spoken of me and T.E.N.
I know by the grace of God that I am alive today.
God in one moment forgave me of my sins, thank you
Jesus! I prayed to God to forgive me and said that
I was ready to die that I was in his care. That very
moment a God's peace came over me, a white whoosh, the
Holy Spirit filled my being and I was not only saved
again, renewed.. I knew I was going to live and my body
began to immediately heal itself. That is what I know.
All these years have gone by and I have been the one to
resist the Lord and a relationship with him and find a
church home. There is hope yet, yes? :)
I don't know why I decided on this day to research
Well after all of that I can tell you.. Church is
fucked up. Nice place to go to like minds.. find
yourself a man, get yourself involved.. maybe not feel
so alone in the world. This can backfire on your
ass royal. No doubt a "safe" place to find friends
and love and assistance where it may be. Guidance on how
to get to know God.. hmmmm. I do believe Jesus was
a man.. Was on this earth cuz God put himself here to
make a BIG, HUGE statement that we are all sinners, we
fuck up all the time. That there is one simple thing to
do to ensure that whether your heart is red, green,
black or purple your gonna be all right.. to contemplate
and wonder and feel secure that when we die... that is
not the end. Some would just like it to be then
end. Believe me, I have felt that more than anything
working with the elderly.. Coming to peace is the death,
it is the end.. Whether we care to know or feel the
"spirit" or know it.. we all die.. that is the end of it
already. The journey is for the most part, not what we
intended, not what we hoped it would be, never the
legacy we lived to accomplish. Not unless you are Mother
Theresa, Ghandi.. Had a higher hope and
aspiration for mankind. SO, ode to our existance
and what does not come of it. The shit is.. when we
die, we are gonna know it all... and if you are so
blessed, able to somehow eeek that bit of knowledge onto
one, or many....
My take is that it should be a place, a place to
go.. no worries. Is God is at the center? I
think so... from my experience, and now who
can really say what it's all really about>?
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